Well Meaning Ways we Invalidate Each Other (and Ourselves)

Well meaning ways we invalidate others (and ourselves):

"It could be worse."
"Try not to let it bother you."
"Look on the bright side!"
"If you think that's bad, you should hear this!"

Welcome to Invalidation Station📍

Continuous invalidation over time can be psychologically and relationally damaging. For many folks, feeling invalidated means feeling misunderstood, criticized, or dismissed. Invalidation can make one feel as if their emotions are illogical or inappropriate, and can introduce shame, guilt, and emotional suppression. Ultimately, invalidating responses push the person further away, causing them to want to hide their emotions and avoid confiding in you.

But invalidation doesn’t always sound mean, rude, or dismissive! Kind and well-meaning folks can mistakenly invalidate others (and themselves) without any intent to cause harm or distance. This post is not meant to judge (🙅🏻‍♀️ ), but to educate and shine a little light on the importance of communication.

When you feel the urge to respond in one of these ways, try something like this instead:

“Yikes! That sounds like it was really difficult.”
“Wow, what a day you’ve had. That sounds so stressful.”
“I imagine that would feel like so much to have on your plate.”

These simple validating responses can help the person feel heard and understood, and invite them to share more. Validation can bring you closer together which is the ultimate goal!